Coalition agreement: how being in government does strange things to you

Look at this:

It's an extract from the document called "The Coalition: our programme for government" published today by the new Tory-Lib Dem coalition. (Download pdf file here.)

Just read that bit we've highlighted again. We've spread it out and put it in large type to make it easier to digest the full weirdness of it:

We will introduce a 
new 
mechanism
 to prevent 
the proliferation of 
unnecessary 
new 
criminal offences.

Good grief. A mechanism? You'd think that unnecessary new criminal offences are capable of spontaneous self-generation.

A simpler way to "prevent the proliferation of unnecessary new criminal offences" would be to follow this simple two-step plan:

1. Don't dream up unnecessary new criminal offences.
2. Don't pass laws to create unnecessary new criminal offences.

We think that would work. Just stay at home on the days which you'd originally scheduled to spend dreaming up unnecessary new criminal offences.

Seriously guys. Take the day off. Take the kids to the beach. Do some DIY. Whatever. You could even try doing something useful. Just don't go into the office and dream up unnecessary new criminal offences. Do you think you could handle that?

This two-step plan, which we are happy to offer to the government free of charge, would be cheap to implement. By a quick back-of-the-envelope estimate, we think it would cost approximately £0 per year. 

A mechanism, on the other hand, sounds like it comes with a quango attached. 

Look out for SAPPUNCO (the Statutory Authority for the Prevention of the Proliferation of Unnecessary New Criminal Offences), complete with a staff of 120 and an annual budget of £27 million.